Q) My problem is my husband. He does not pray and he drinks, and I have the feeling that he is having an affair. Sometimes he travels on his own or I find pictures of him with a girl, and he tells me that he married her on one of his trips, and I believe that he is telling the truth. After a while he said that he has divorced her because the distance was too great and he couldn’t afford it. A while after that I found a negative which is clearly a picture of him with the girl but he made some excuse. The point is that I cannot leave him because we have two children and for other reasons which I believe are because of me. When I married him, about eight years ago, he was not like that, but sex was extremely important to him and I was circumcised so it took me a long time to respond to him… Now I want to make the most of this blessed month [Ramadaan] to try to guide him. I hope that you can advise me of the steps I may take especially if there are any practical ways, because speaking to him doesn’t do any good. I have tried that and it was no use. May Allaah reward you with good.?
A) Praise be to Allaah.
If your husband does not pray, then it is not permissible for you to stay married to him or to let him be intimate with you. That could be a means of guiding him, but you have to stay away from him because of his not praying. As for the ways by means of which you can try to guide him, there are many such ways, such as bringing home some tapes which speak of matters that are of concern to him, such as reminders of how quickly this life passes, the transient nature of this world, its insignificance, the dangers of following one’s whims and desires and how that leads to a bad end, reminders of death, the resurrection, Paradise and Hell, the blessings of obeying Allaah, the bad consequences of disobeying Him, the peace of mind that comes from obeying Allaah, and the sense of alienation felt by sinners. You could also put him in touch with some daa’iyahs and good people and the imaam of a mosque, and let them visit him, and try to get him to make friends with some righteous people who can help him and encourage him to do good, and explain to him the dangers of keeping company with bad people, etc.
Shaykh Sa’d al-Humayd.